Batteries Not Included (Potential Short Story)

Note: This is more of a short story concept rather than a social commentary before anyone throws anything at me.

I’m being completely hypothetical here…well as much as I can be anyway in my own world. So imagine if you can—a store where you can go to buy a person.

Yes I said person.

This could be a friend, a lover, a companion…whatever. What would it be like…would there be options like when you buy a car? Do you have to pay extra for a certain personality? Would they have blue light specials? Do they come with an extended warranty? Are there sporty and more conservative models? Can they be returned? Ohhhh….now there’s an interesting concept…don’t like what you have so then you return it…or maybe even sell it on ebay? This is getting a little too weird even for me.

But one of the most important questions is do they come with an operator’s manual?

An operator’s manual, if read, would enlighten the reader/purchaser of the capabilities of the purchased item would it not? Once read the user would completely understand what the purchased person can do and what it cannot. It would know what it likes and dislikes are. The owner would know how to please the purchased person and vice versa. There would be no petty bickering of not understanding or knowing someone. There would be no dirty laundry left hanging over the back of the sofa—no dirty dishes in the sink—no toilet seats left in the upright position and no bras hanging in the shower. We would understand the proper and correct deliverance of affection. Pet peeves would be avoided. Maintenance level factors would be understood before committing to any relationship. The examples go on and on.

Sound like a little Assimov here maybe?

So in this ideal world…all of the trouble of relationships would be eliminated and the perfect world would descend upon us. Or would it be a disaster? Would the joy of experiencing an individual and learning by trial and error be more of a loss rather than a gain? But a form of social order would be maintained would it not? Things would be...how would you say...less messier perhaps.

But where is the fun in that?

Some might suggest or ask:where are the little surprises that cause the slight chuckle or the pleasant thoughts when we are at work? The surprise note/card left on the table or perhaps the rose given when it was not a overcommercialized holiday? The voice mail left that...well is only for your ears only:)

So some days you just have to ask yourself: are you bringing the batteries or are they included?


Side note: 40 Days. I recounted.