Somebody's Got Some Explaining to Do...

Well as I approach the 24 hour smoke free period, yeah I’m counting because I am earning each and every one of them…the hallucinations have begun. Actually they have been going on for quite a while since...well never mind. That's another story...

I am not really seeing things, just an errant ostrich or two, but rather I am coming to an understanding so to speak. I wish I could blame it on the giving up smoking excuse, but to semi-quote a favorite line from My Cousin Vinnie…I don’t think its going to hold much water.

Now I am not going to bore you with the gory personal details but I experienced this form of epiphany today (or some other un-drugged produced state) that—well, lets call it the how could I be so blind syndrome.

What the heck does that mean? I think I can best explain it by saying that I think we wear many faces in our lives…some by choice and some by default. At times we hide behind them based upon commitment or something else rather than the right reason.

Then suddenly we are exposed…naked in front of everyone—and what’s worse is that everyone knows…in fact you’re like the last person to find out that everyone knows what you were trying to hide from them as well as yourself. But that’s not enough yet, then there is even the bigger shocker—they all agree with you.

It’s like some mass form of family heresy or something. It beings exhilaration, shame, relief, and even remorse all at the same time—talk about a mixed bag. I guess I have some explaining to do...to myself.

Picked a great day to stop smoking…where’s that damn tube of glue…(s-n-i-f-f-)I’ll fix that ostrich next time I see it!